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Gathering / we are men who listen deeply to each other’s stories…

Storytelling and story-listening are two halves of a life-giving art. Both are crucial in any relationship. In ancient China, we’re told, there were two friends—one who played the harp with exquisite attentiveness and skill, and another who listened with equal attentiveness and skill. When the one played or sang about a mountain stream, the other would exclaim, “Yes, I can hear it now splashing over the rocks!” Their playing and listening were part of a dance they shared together. But after a time the listener fell sick and died. In grief, the first friend cut the strings of his harp, unable to play anymore. To this day in China, the cutting of harp strings is a sign of intimate friendship.

Speaking from the heart and listening from the heart are the two most important prerequisites in practicing the Way of Council. Being aware of how we communicate is also crucial. It helps to remember that 55% of what we convey in talking to another is determined by body language (posture, gesture, and eye contact), 38% by tone of voice, and only 7% by the actual content of what we say. We therefore need to listen for more than the words. That means paying careful attention to the other person, not trying to think of how we’ll respond. We have to avoid “rehearsing” while the other person is still speaking.

If we do this with focused attention and spontaneity, then anything we share, coming from the heart, can be profoundly healing. Once a Hindu master was asked by his disciples to summarize the truth he had been teaching through the years. “All I’ve done all my life,” he replied, “is to sit on the bank of the river, selling river water.” His gift was to invite people to see the value and wonder in what they too easily dismiss as commonplace in their lives. His stories were able to turn into mystery what everyone else took for granted. The most moving stories are taken from everyday life. In receiving them, we don’t have to stay in our heads, analyzing their content. Jack Shea, the Catholic theologian and storyteller, says that our first question on hearing a story shouldn’t be “What does it mean?” but “What am I feeling?”

Helpful Resources:

Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society
Rachel Naomi Remen, Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal
Terrence Real, I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression
Thomas Golden, Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing
Arthur Frank, The Wounded Storyteller: Body, Illness, and Ethics

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Reflections On The January Retreat

Illuman Of Washington
I attended the January retreat and was moved by the power of the male community. The greetings upon arriving shifted my focus to assessing my gifts, wounds, and blessings. The time and space shared presented an opportunity to seek spiritual direction and understanding in the community of brothers.
~Stephen
Illuman Of Washington
I attended the January retreat and was moved by the power of the male community. The greetings upon arriving shifted my focus to assessing my gifts, wounds, and blessings. The time and space shared presented an opportunity to seek spiritual direction and understanding in the community of brothers.
~Stephen
Illuman Of Washington
The January retreat was a great way to reconnect with the deepest needs of the spirit and leverage time-tested rituals for powerful impact. A wonderful opportunity to connect with other men that are on their own path of spiritual transformation, and learn from their journey and experiences.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
At the end of the retreat, I felt deeply at peace and very grateful for all the men who shared this space with me, as well as the volunteers who made it happen. I can't wait to go again!
~Ned
Illuman Of Washington
After making the MROP years ago, and coming home to unpack the experience virtually alone, the Illuman retreat gave me a sense that, finally, a community is present, and willing, to share the journey.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
It was comforting to spend time in the company of men who are there to support you; and who you can support as they and you walk through the stages of life.
~Dennis
Illuman Of Washington
The combination of the gathered group, the small group "council" times, and the time in solitude was refreshing. It felt like a safe place to reflect and refocus, receiving encouragement from others along the way.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
Last year's retreat, was powerful as a continuance for those of us who had been through an MROP and for our brothers who were interested in learning more about MROP's and opportunities for being with like minded men.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
In the stillness of a damp, quiet corner of the Seattle metro area, a diverse group of men gathered to share rituals and a common desire to become better, more generative men. It was perhaps the first time I've ever experienced real unity in such a group of men, and the sacred time paved the way for some life-changing healing that could only have happened in the company of others.
~Sam
  • Home
  • Men’s Rites of Passage
    • What is the MROP?
    • Initiator Program
    • MROP Reflections
  • Elders’ Rites of Passage®
    • What is the EROP?
    • An Elder’s Offering
    • Registration & EROP Details
    • Before & After EROP
    • Returning Elders
  • Teen’s Rites of Passage
    • Growing Teens
    • Illuman Rising
  • Journey of Illumination
    • Overview of the JOI
    • Centering
    • Gathering
    • Connecting
    • Releasing
    • Serving
  • Events
  • Resources
  • Community
    • What are Councils?
    • Council Gatherings
    • Join – Serve – Lead
    • Members Portal
  • About
    • About Us
    • Contact
    • Partners

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Jeffrey Batstone, Convener

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