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Forget Your Perfect Offering

Reflections After Attending an MROP

Two days before I left for Ghost Ranch I had a dream that put me on notice that this experience was not going to be “business as usual.” In the dream I was going somewhere important and needed to borrow a car. I asked a friend—a kind of wild guy who lives in the mountains of Montana— if I could borrow his car and he said, “Sure.” I found the car out on the highway. When I opened the driver’s side door I was astonished to see the car had no steering wheel, brakes, or gas pedal. I got in and the car took me where I needed to go. I was both frightened and excited to know that I was headed on a trek on which I was not taking the lead.

The great news about this initiation experience is that this was not a self-directed tour of what I already knew. We were being led to the wilderness—both literally and figuratively. From the start, the leaders told us we were not going to be emotionally manipulated. Instead we were being invited into the mystery that is at the heart of our existence. Through the power of rituals, story, the harsh beauty of the landscape, and our own yearning for the Divine we entered into sacred time and space and energy. And though we stood shoulder to shoulder with our brothers, supporting one another with tender care and enormous respect, each man took a solitary journey where only he could go. The courage of my brothers was inspiring.

My own journey took me to despair. It was a despair I never knew I had, though when it was revealed (with the help of the rituals and a coyote I met on a pre-dawn hike) I was relieved by its unveiling. It’s been with me a long, long time. The truth was out. All my defenses had been scaled and behind the shattered walls was a cynical man whose every trick at self-redemption had failed, who now feared the worst—that he would spend the rest of his days poking around this failed and empty bag of tricks.

And in my emptiness, climbing a rocky trail in the pre-dawn shadows, I knew as I’ve never known before that I could never be a self-made saint, which has been my particular temptation, my particular folly. I arrived at the crest of Chimney Rock mesa and moved to the edge. I held my despair before me, weighing the heft of it. I turned to God and offered it. It was all I had left to give. My despair.

Just then, the sun pierced the sky above Kitchen Mesa to the east. Light flooded the valley and bushes were aflame. I prostrated myself before the sun—the earth cold on my bare chest and the sun warm on my shoulders. Everything seemed new. Into my mind came the poem, “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.” And I had knew in a new way that the original Big Bang was an utterance of the Creator, a word cried out in joy and wildness, and I knew that I, too, was part of that spoken word. I am an utterance of the Creator. Along with all of creation I flow from the heart of the One who Bears Many Names in a profligate act of self-expression. My futile tricks no longer matter.

The birds sang around me then, and I shared my breakfast, a granola bar, with them. I joined their song with hymns of praise.  A day of deep mourning had ended. A new life had begun in me. I try to live it graciously, by keeping my hands off the steering wheel.

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Reflections On The January Retreat

Illuman Of Washington
The combination of the gathered group, the small group "council" times, and the time in solitude was refreshing. It felt like a safe place to reflect and refocus, receiving encouragement from others along the way.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
The combination of the gathered group, the small group "council" times, and the time in solitude was refreshing. It felt like a safe place to reflect and refocus, receiving encouragement from others along the way.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
I attended the January retreat and was moved by the power of the male community. The greetings upon arriving shifted my focus to assessing my gifts, wounds, and blessings. The time and space shared presented an opportunity to seek spiritual direction and understanding in the community of brothers.
~Stephen
Illuman Of Washington
In the stillness of a damp, quiet corner of the Seattle metro area, a diverse group of men gathered to share rituals and a common desire to become better, more generative men. It was perhaps the first time I've ever experienced real unity in such a group of men, and the sacred time paved the way for some life-changing healing that could only have happened in the company of others.
~Sam
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Last year's retreat, was powerful as a continuance for those of us who had been through an MROP and for our brothers who were interested in learning more about MROP's and opportunities for being with like minded men.
~Participant
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It was comforting to spend time in the company of men who are there to support you; and who you can support as they and you walk through the stages of life.
~Dennis
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The January retreat was a great way to reconnect with the deepest needs of the spirit and leverage time-tested rituals for powerful impact. A wonderful opportunity to connect with other men that are on their own path of spiritual transformation, and learn from their journey and experiences.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
At the end of the retreat, I felt deeply at peace and very grateful for all the men who shared this space with me, as well as the volunteers who made it happen. I can't wait to go again!
~Ned
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After making the MROP years ago, and coming home to unpack the experience virtually alone, the Illuman retreat gave me a sense that, finally, a community is present, and willing, to share the journey.
~Participant
  • Home
  • Men’s Rites of Passage
    • What is the MROP?
    • Initiator Program
    • MROP Reflections
  • Elders’ Rites of Passage®
    • What is the EROP?
    • An Elder’s Offering
    • Registration & EROP Details
    • Before & After EROP
    • Returning Elders
  • Teen’s Rites of Passage
    • Growing Teens
    • Illuman Rising
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    • Overview of the JOI
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    • Gathering
    • Connecting
    • Releasing
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    • What are Councils?
    • Council Gatherings
    • Join – Serve – Lead
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    • About Us
    • Contact
    • Partners

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19110 – 17th Ave NW
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Jeffrey Batstone, Convener

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