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Connecting / we are men who choose another to walk with – shoulder to shoulder…

For Illuman men, connecting is one of the five touchstones we want to advocate as being a necessary component in all aspects of our work, from the Journey of Illumination to our Chapter events like the MROP or Firmings, and from how we meet communally to our one-on-one relationships. We want the five touchstones to permeate all aspects of our communities.

Truly connecting should be one of our highest goals. As such, we need to know what is meant by connecting. There are many nuances to connecting, but the purest sense of connecting is the joining. To be really connected is almost as if two separate entities become one—much like a marriage.

Of course this kind of connecting between men could be very uncomfortable. Most of us do not want to be that intimate with another man. It’s a risk and implies doing the even riskier thing of loving another man. But connecting, and even loving, does not always mean there has to be a marriage. That kind of love and intimacy can and does exist outside of matrimony. A good example is the relationship between King David and Saul’s son Jonathan. When they met, “There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David.”

Likewise, just at it would be hard to imagine being married to multiple partners, the ability to truly connect with another seems, by nature, to exclude. Most of us simply are not able to be that open with everyone and, in fact, it may be just one or two people that we truly feel connected to. Finding those people and maintaining those relationships are paramount when furthering the spiritual journey but, just like with many marriages, there are failed attempts to connect so we need to be discerning in our search.

A good starting point could be with a group of people. In AA, alcoholics are told to find a sponsor. Connecting with a sponsor is vital to maintaining sobriety. Newcomers are asked to look for a sponsor from within the local AA group, someone who demonstrates qualities that the newcomer would want in himself. Being part of the group and knowing there is this “other” out there gives alcoholics safe space and support to make healthy choices.

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Ultimately our goal is to find these one-on-one relationships with someone who will truly listen to us—and to whom we will truly listen. Sakej Henderson says, “to truly listen is to risk being changed forever.” We are on a spiritual journey and we need someone who will be there, maybe not from start to finish, but someone who walks with us a significant way. So, like any man attempting to climb a high mountain, a good way to ensure success is to get yourself a good Guide (an Elder or a Mentor) who has been there before and knows the way. Some of us may need more than just a guide, possibly a Sherpa (Spiritual Director or Therapist) who can help carry some of the load when things get too heavy. Sometimes good guides are hard to find, but there is another man who wants to venture up the mountain with you. You decide together that you will start out, trying to find the way as a duo (Soul Brother).

It seems we all must undertake this journey, whether we want to or not. For many of us the journey has been hard, with lots of struggles and suffering along the way. But the mountain top will not come to us and usually, when we get to one peak, we see there is another. The journey never ends. Thankfully we do not have to venture out alone.

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Reflections On The January Retreat

Illuman Of Washington
In the stillness of a damp, quiet corner of the Seattle metro area, a diverse group of men gathered to share rituals and a common desire to become better, more generative men. It was perhaps the first time I've ever experienced real unity in such a group of men, and the sacred time paved the way for some life-changing healing that could only have happened in the company of others.
~Sam
Illuman Of Washington
In the stillness of a damp, quiet corner of the Seattle metro area, a diverse group of men gathered to share rituals and a common desire to become better, more generative men. It was perhaps the first time I've ever experienced real unity in such a group of men, and the sacred time paved the way for some life-changing healing that could only have happened in the company of others.
~Sam
Illuman Of Washington
The combination of the gathered group, the small group "council" times, and the time in solitude was refreshing. It felt like a safe place to reflect and refocus, receiving encouragement from others along the way.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
It was comforting to spend time in the company of men who are there to support you; and who you can support as they and you walk through the stages of life.
~Dennis
Illuman Of Washington
I attended the January retreat and was moved by the power of the male community. The greetings upon arriving shifted my focus to assessing my gifts, wounds, and blessings. The time and space shared presented an opportunity to seek spiritual direction and understanding in the community of brothers.
~Stephen
Illuman Of Washington
At the end of the retreat, I felt deeply at peace and very grateful for all the men who shared this space with me, as well as the volunteers who made it happen. I can't wait to go again!
~Ned
Illuman Of Washington
Last year's retreat, was powerful as a continuance for those of us who had been through an MROP and for our brothers who were interested in learning more about MROP's and opportunities for being with like minded men.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
After making the MROP years ago, and coming home to unpack the experience virtually alone, the Illuman retreat gave me a sense that, finally, a community is present, and willing, to share the journey.
~Participant
Illuman Of Washington
The January retreat was a great way to reconnect with the deepest needs of the spirit and leverage time-tested rituals for powerful impact. A wonderful opportunity to connect with other men that are on their own path of spiritual transformation, and learn from their journey and experiences.
~Participant
  • Home
  • Men’s Rites of Passage
    • What is the MROP?
    • Initiator Program
    • MROP Reflections
  • Elders’ Rites of Passage®
    • What is the EROP?
    • An Elder’s Offering
    • Registration & EROP Details
    • Before & After EROP
    • Returning Elders
  • Teen’s Rites of Passage
    • Growing Teens
    • Illuman Rising
  • Journey of Illumination
    • Overview of the JOI
    • Centering
    • Gathering
    • Connecting
    • Releasing
    • Serving
  • Events
  • Resources
  • Community
    • What are Councils?
    • Council Gatherings
    • Join – Serve – Lead
    • Members Portal
  • About
    • About Us
    • Contact
    • Partners

Illuman Of Washington
19110 – 17th Ave NW
Shoreline WA 98177
Jeffrey Batstone, Convener

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